Psalm 37: 4,7 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."
Today I sat upon His lap and listened to Him laugh as I was telling Him my plans. He took my hand and walked with me. He showed me places I had never been before. As we walked He graced me with stories of all kinds, some were painful to hear and brought tears to my eyes and others made me laugh until my heart was full of joy. On this journey of ours, I saw many familiar things and felt old feelings. I could tell I still had some open wounds and had yet to forgive people for their past grievances on me and worse things I hadn't forgiven myself for. He could see my heart and hear my thoughts along the way. He paused for a moment and loving took my face in His hands and all He whispered was "I love you". There were so many other things He could have said at that time, but He just spoke those three healing words. And it wasn't just that passing I love you that has no depth to it, it was a real genuine love that makes you swell with tears.
I knew what He was showing me, my past, the journey I tried to make it through alone. He taught me on our little walk so many things starting with today. I can't change my past or the hurt I caused or the painful damage I have done, but I can start with a new journey that I will be proud to look upon. Some people will never see me in the new light, for I have sinned against them and they hold it against me, but it won't affect the people I can change today in a positive way. Thats the difference between dark and light. Just like I walked hand-in-hand with Him on our walk, I also walk beside Him in life. Now when I look back I will see two people instead of one and only will I see love.
As our walk ended He took me back to where we began, it was just Him and I, no one else. And I wandered how could He spend so much time with me, doesn't He have a world to keep in tact But no He just laid there right beside me and than told me all of His plans for my life if I just continue to hold His hand. They were far better than any dream I could dream and all I had to do was love Him back. My love for Him doesn't compare to His love for me. When I spend time with Him He doesn't feel safe like I do in His arms, He doesn't feel half the things He makes me feel and yet He wants to spend time with me? It makes me realize that all He wants is the love I can give Him no matter how great or how small its adequate for Him. He just wants my time, effort, and initiative. He doesn't expect any great thing from me for I don't deserve to be near even His feet, He just expects me to listen to His heart and to live the life He has set for me as His child.
Psalm 139 "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your spirit; where can I flee from your presence? If I go upto the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that special place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me our your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, your bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."